It being the day before Thanksgiving here in the US, I thought it appropriate to be a little thankful.

I have a lot to be thankful for: wonderful wife, http://danielacorte.com, two wonderful kids. And we are all warm, dry, well fed, employed, and happy. That in itself isn’t too shabby these days.

But this Thanksgiving, I’d like to sing the praises of my mother-in-law, Linda

My wife and I have always been able to take a kid-less holiday or gracefully take care of a work emergency.  We’ve never had to worry about my daughter or son having a moment of discomfort because we can always rely on Linda.

My wife has infinite faith because she has a lifetime of evidence.  I have infinite faith because the worst that could happen is that Linda will turn my kids into copies of my wife. And, frankly, I spend some part of each day hoping she will.

My kids loooooove their grand-mother. They think she walks on water.  Not because she gives them more ice cream than we do (she does).  Not because she lets them watch TV more than we do (she does).  But, because they never doubt for a second that she would walk into a burning house for them (she would). And because she is firm, fair, thoughtful, just, patient, funny, fun, helpful, smart, and omniscient.

And my kids aren’t the only ones who feel this way. If I need a dinner reservation, I first mention my wife and if that doesn’t work I drop my mother-in-law’s name. Really… everyone loves Linda and they should.

Recently, one my engineers went away for his first kid-less night away with his wife in five years.  He and his wife seem to have a great relationship. And, certainly, they were doing just fine with the previous 1,825 kid-filled days.

But, wow did it sound like they had a great time on their night away.

And here is the thing…

These days, life is extremely complicated and balance seems to be a luxury.  It is a luxury to have time off alone with your wife.  It is a luxury to be able to concentrate on your new business in the midst of daily chaos.  It is a luxury to spend time playing with your kids.  I don’t take these luxuries for granted.  And I attribute our ability to juggle all this and find some sort of balance to Linda.

And my Thanksgiving day wish is that you all find your own Lindas and the balance that she brings.

background: in this story my wife is putting my 5yo daughter to sleep. My daughter shares a room with my 3yo son. They have a bunk bed.

Daughter: Mommy you should stay and sleep with me

Son (from lower bunk): She can’t.  She has to sleep with daddy because they are married. You sleep with me because we are married.

Daughter: Brothers and sisters can’t get married

Son: Why?  Will the police come and get us?

<!— seriously. you can’t make this stuff up —>

A friend just had a baby daughter.  Instead of doing my usual and sending a one shot email, I thought I would create a post in case these hints can help someone else.  

All my best to all the parents out there.  It is so easy to forget how scary the crying was at first and how little they are when they first come out.  Seeing a picture of the new baby brought it all back.

1. This DVD is brilliant. And the stuff in it actually works.  Imagine being able to always get your baby to stop crying :-)

http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Crying-Longer/dp/B0006J021C/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1303396127&sr=8-4

2. When you baby gets to be about 12-14 lbs or 6 months old this book becomes soooo important. Figure out which of you is the tough one. The tough parent listens to the crying and the other one should stay out of ear shot.  In my house I was the tough one.  Both my kids stopped crying and went to sleep after about 20 minutes of this.  I waited 1 minute, then 2 minutes, then 4 minutes.  I never got to 8 minutes.  We had a video monitor so I could see that each of my kids was fine. And once they learn how to put themselves to sleep, they are soooo much happier.

http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0743201639/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1303396327&sr=1-1

3. Never let your daughter sleep in the same bed with you guys after they are old enough to realize what is going on.  It is a slippery slope.  When they are small you are tempted to do it because it is soooo much easier.  But you will pay for this down the road.  My wife and I are the only parents we know whose kids don’t slip into our bed in the middle of the night and torture us.  Occasionally if the kids are upset, one of us will lie down with them in their bed.

4. Consider putting the changing table in the bathroom.  We did this and it changed our lives.  The sink is right there for washing your hands.  And the smell stays in the bathroom.  I actually had a surface mount changing station put in to save room (It’s pricey, but I thought of it as $999/48 months = $20/month - 2 years for 2 kids):

http://www.babychangingstations.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=KB111-SSRE&Category_Code=SSBCS-SI

5. Register a gmail address for your baby and start sending emails with pictures and thoughts to them now. It is a really convenient way to keep track of that stuff.

6. Buy an extra of anything that might turn into a favorite thing (blanket, stuffed animal, etc…)  The extra $20 will save you an enormous heartache on the day the stuffed animal gets left in a hotel room.  Seriously there is no crisis like it :-)

7. Sleep when they sleep.  Boy I miss the naps.

8. They grow up fast.  I figure I have 7-8 years to bond with my kids before they become swept up in a zillion other activities and I am no longer their favorite playmate.

9. Enjoy that you aren’t alone in this.  When you are losing your mind, hand the baby to someone else. It is normal to go a little crazy with the crying, diapers, stress, etc..  Don’t be a hero.  This is actually great advice when they get bigger too.  My wife and I have a safe word to indicate that one of us has reached our limit and the other one should take over.  10 or 20 minutes later you will love that you didn’t start screaming at the kids :-)

This will only be interesting to people with toddlers or that know other people with toddlers.  Sorry to everyone else.  But I wish I had known all this 1 year ago. 

My 5yo daughter has had a stomach ache of varying intensities for a year now.  We have been to the doctors, to the emergency room twice.  They have taken x-rays and probed her and investigated.  They invariably described her condition as “constipation”.  It was never quite to the point of a blockage. Just that she was “backed up”.  They gave us Miralax to take every day.  They told us this is very common. They kind of made it seem as if we were bad parents that we hadn’t been giving her a laxative all along. As if it made lots of common sense that we should guess that a child that never was “actually” constipated needed prophylactic laxatives.

The laxative made the problem better sometimes but never made it go away and forced my daughter (and us) to spend a an enormous amount of time in the bathroom.  I’m going to blog someday about how my friends that were sooooo persuasive that child rearing was the most fulfilling activity never mentioned exactly how much time you spend in the bathroom.

Two days ago, in a moment of pure serendipity, I decided to see if maybe she was having a bad reaction to dairy.  This caused some ranting and raving.  It meant no more pizza, milk, cheese on pasta, mac & cheese, well… anything with cheese.  My daughter was UNHAPPY. But, in a fit of daddy firmness I prevailed.

Two days later, she is 99.99% better.  Seriously.  One year of heart-rending middle of the night sobbing about her stomach.  One year of emergency room visits and everything that goes with it. All we had to do was cut out the dairy.

Please pass this along to other parents and their pediatricians. I wish someone had suggested this to me.